The Great Pumpkin Debacle

“Dear RSPB

I am writing to thank you for the packet of pumpkin seeds we recently received through the post, I was up until now unaware that the average British garden bird had such exotic tastes and our usual offerings must have seemed rather bland in comparison.

I also like how you encouraged us to have a little friendly competition when it comes to whose pumpkin grows the biggest, however, there are three people in our house and we only appear to have received two working pumpkin seeds, I am sure you are ahead of me on where this is going…”

OB: “Mummy, our pumpkins are growing fast but Stuart’s hasn’t done anything”
Me: “Eh?”
CB: “Have they, oh that’s good”
Me: “Hold on a minute”
OB: “Mines a bit bigger than yours mummy”
CB: “Is it now”
Me: “I bet it isn’t”
CB: “Do you think we should plant another one for Stuart?”
Me: “I’m pretty sure we don’t need to as that one there looks very much like my pumpkin”
CB: “I don’t think it is, I think that ones Olivia’s”
Me: “Really? I for some reason thought mine was in the pot with ‘S’ written on it”
CB: “No, I’m pretty sure that one was Olivia’s”
Me: “Well you would say as the pot with ‘C’ on it has a rather nice looking pumpkin growing in it”
CB: “Well we can plant you another one”
Me: “What? in my pot that for some unknown reason has the letter ‘O’ written on it??”
CB: “Yes”
Me: “But you do understand that isn’t my pot”
CB: “It is now”
Me: “Fine, why don’t you just change my name while you’re at it”
CB: “Stop being so dramatic”
Me: “I’m not being dramatic, it’s about principal”
CB: “You can share my pumpkin”
Me: “I don’t want to share your pumpkin because it’s smaller than my pumpkin”
CB: “Olivia’s pumpkin”
Me: “Seriously?”
CB: “is this how you’re going to be when bump arrives?”
Me: “No because no son of mine would steal another mans pumpkin!”
CB: “Oh so it’s a boy is it?”
Me: “Yes, and he is not at all happy with the injustice that is currently unfolding before him”

Next time I am going to need to get my hands on some proper pumpkin seeds, especially as I will be needing four of them to grow!

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